Pitbull and Me: We`re Cubans, B!
Have you always had the distinct pleasure of existence called a frightful name or called out on something that was super untrue and so could say `No way, you`re wrong. Fuck you for wasting your mean efforts!` I give one special moment which didn`t quite make out that way, but it's still amazing.
Cozy around the Mare is leaving to speak some more of her awesome childhood exploits fire. Brrr, bitches, brrr.
So I went to train in the most idyllic suburb in Michigan - Royal Oak. ICP 4 LYFE! JUGGALO! You love this. Maybe you skipped my one other entry. Maybe you`re not reading it because only my one friend / namesake reads this to my limited knowledge. I was a total tomboy - still am - and would try and bro down with all the boys at school. I played soccer at recess with them even though they made me a perma-goalie (thanks, fuckers. I got very good, didn't I?!), would charge them in the buggy to let them live I had crushes on them and made fun of all the girls, too, probably because I`m also a perma-asshole. Soooo, yeah. I was pretty dudely. Exciting.
I would pass to and from primary school every day with some other kids in tow. I get a safe going to school story, but this isn`t the time. It will someday be the place. My best friend / boyfriend / I know you long time pal, Phillip, and I would usually walk home from school together in both 1st and 2nd grade. (I launch out he married his junior high sweetheart - I moved in 3rd back to MN - that could have been me. Dammit. He`s a total dreamboat and could get up 5th graders no problem. drool drool drool) His mom babysat me and it worked out nicely because he had a vast library of Nintendo games and we just had to stand off his small brother every afternoon to hold the unit set up to ourselves. He could obviously beat up his brother, too. What a righteous badass.
So one day we`re walking home and we`re almost a bar and some change from Phillip`s house on Lockwood (Phillip, if you always take this - fat chance - know that I totally love you and will drop more stories about you on here. So get back often. Cyber call me? You`ll never say this. :{ ) when all of a sudden we see some kids calling us names from a couple houses down. They were actually yelling at just me. And they were calling me a chink.
Okay, rewind. My name starts with Maria and ends with somethingthat rhymes withMomez. Hard, right? I am not fucking Asian. I could be Filipino I guess, but I`m fucking not. What I love about kids is that they`re fucking stupid AND impressionable. So since I looked very different in a very white town, I must be that matter that their daddy calls the baseball / basketball / football / ping pong? players. So I was a check for a day.
The two kids were Andy and Chris. Andy had red hair, which under any other circumstances would be cause for me to horizontally maul his boyhood, and Chris was a blonde dude. So they get all near to Phillip and I and appear to get a fight. Kids don`t fight anymore - WHY!?!?! It`s awesome! So Phillip turns to me and is like `Run home and say my mom I`m in a fight. She`ll drive over here and give it up and that`ll make you time to get away`. This isn`t verbatim_obviously I can`t quite think it, but it was damn close. Do you now see why I want on this guy 20 days later!?
So I ran, the whole block or so, sprinting. And I`m not a runner, but hauled ass to get there. I get to his family and his mom is in the bathroom. Like maybe showering or something. She`s taking a while. And I`m trying to be polite so I don`t bang on the door despite the pressing matter happening minutes off at the neighborhood park. All of a sudden I get really distracted and gain I have beaten both Phillip and his brother, Drew, home and the Nintendo is free. It`s calling me: `Hey, chink! Yeah, you, Maria Momez. Come hit `power` and I`ma take you on a journey, girl.` So I sit down thinking that I get to look for Phillip`s mom anyway and start chilling out, playing Excitebike (I do a great Excitebike impersonation, really!). I must have played it through once or twice. Maybe even customized a degree and played it. I was similar in an 8-bit time suck vortex. I think like it was yesterday: I`m sitting Indian style (yes) on the land and so slowly look to my right since something sinister and steamed off seems to be laboriously breathing from that direction. Shit, it was Phillip.
He`s got a dark eye forming real nicely around one eye and his nose has been bleeding long enough that it`s started to crust over.
All he said - and I DO remember thisword for word (because it's shorter) was `Where were you?`
Holy shit. Totally epic. So my parents obviously caught wind of this and demanded that Andy and Chris come over and apologise to me for harassing me and calling me the wrong fucking racial slur. They came over one even with apiece of their dads and were constrained to say they were deplorable in my living room while my dad definitely wasn`t making stir fry or egg rolls. My mom then prompted me to accept, which I declined and ran off into my room leaving my mom to explain why her daughter was such an ungrateful dick. Moral of the story: Duuuude fuck those two!
No comments:
Post a Comment